Our date was only going to be brief since Jules was passing through the centre of town while driving from East City to West City. I knew he was an alternative kind of guy judging by his pictures. He comes in, a little taller than me, dark hair pulled into a short ponytail and suggests we go for a walk, which I’m up for. I’ve walked around Starbucks three times and you’re not even here. He was a nice guy and all, and it would have been nice to have stayed friends but the distance would’ve been an issue too. Although setting them up was exciting, I was also a little nervous. Only then do I notice that the restaurant is so small that the tables are pushed so closely together that they give the illusion of being one long table, and I hadn’t spotted him.
We have old war ruins dotted around town which he decided to go see. Thanks a lot] I scanned the small, open-plan Starbucks. I text Charlie informing him that I was in the OTHER Starbucks, and he made his way round. No apology for the text but I guess he’d been a little embarrassed. I never liked the thought of dating multiple people at the same time (that’ll be the serial monogamist in me), but I knew logically that if I wasn’t ‘exclusive’ then I could see who I wanted. We chatted for a short time, I’m not a fan of creating a relationship through a screen so asked him out pretty quickly.
Chatting was relatively easy, but as time passed I realised he was slurring. No man fitting Charlie’s description could even enter this place without me seeing. ‘Excuse me, is there another Starbucks in this town? Another tall, dark-haired handsome guy (my type apparently? He goes on to tell me about the unsuccessful and somewhat colourful relationship failings he’s had in the past, (involving police and fights and exes wanting to find him). When it comes to having sex though, I don’t like the thought of fucking around, so will cross that bridge when I come to it. If Tinder didn’t work out, I’d move on to a free dating website. It’s not the ‘where’ I should focus on, it’s the ‘who’. I wasn’t expecting much, I knew this guy was a total stranger and that I’d simply need to get to know him.
I then receive a rather shitty text: [You’ve made me look an absolute fool. He still wouldn’t take off the fucking fleece despite my protests that I didn’t care that there were creases. Later, I confessed to him that I didn’t see us fitting together. All sourced from both Tinder and a free dating site online too.
I sat in Starbucks in the small town halfway and bought myself a coffee. He was late which was odd because he said he was only a couple of minutes away, which was ten minutes ago. I was happy waiting, people watching out the window. ’ ‘I didn’t have any nice clothes so bought a shirt on the way here and the creases from the shop are still in it’ Oh shit that’s really sweet and I’ve decided you’re too negative for me. He had a warm and friendly face, and he was taller than me (a luxury for me considering I’m 5’7). We talked for hours staying at the restaurant until it closed, then moved onto a bar and stayed there until that closed too. I liked this guy – he reminded me of a ridiculously happy golden retriever.
I had to keep my guard up to know which way he’d turn next. He liked the party lifestyle and I don’t think we were a good match. So far that to meet in the middle it took us a 45 minute drive each. He didn’t seem to have any ambition and came across as a person who’d given up and had no self-esteem. I need someone who can deal with their issues and who, above all, is positive. ‘Dude, you’re literally sweating, take off your fleece’ ‘I can’t’ ‘Why? He’d excitedly asked to see me again while we were at the bar, all smiles and energy. One date and I found a guy who I immediately warmed to and wanted to see again! We took a taxi and a second bottle of wine to the shore near his house, and drank it together while snuggled up on the beach under the stars.
Another thing I noticed was that as we were walking he’d suddenly change direction without warning. Either way, it was soon apparent we had little in common. ’ ‘Nah I’ll be okay’ We had a nice chat about things, but I kept getting massive waves of negativity from him. Again, we stayed until closing time after sharing a bottle of wine and talking about everything, making each other laugh.
He had the most perfect penis I have ever seen, and he knew what to do with it. One thing I clarified on the first date was that I appreciate brutal honesty. I’m ok with that and I’d prefer to know where I stand.
Then, out of the blue, I get a text saying he thought it would be a good idea to not continue since there was no ‘spark’ and he wasn’t ready for a relationship.
We went to a quiz, went to Upper City* along the motorway for food (including a juvenile make-out session in a public car park), went for walks, and then we went for dinner with his friends. His energy, scatty brain, and over-use of extreme adjectives was endearing, and I liked this guy.
But telling me you like me, and think I’m great, and love spending time with me isn’t on. Perhaps I’m not down with the whole dating thing, I know some people are so afraid of hurting someone else’s feelings that they bend the truth. ’ Since the age of 16, I have been in a relationship. So, in February this year, after that 5 year whirlwind, I found myself living with my Father and panicking at my state of affairs. That’s me, and I often find myself deeply unhappy while trying to ‘be alone’. So in February, I joined Tinder and a dating website in the hopes of finding someone. But, since I live with my Dad and work in an office full of women and all my friends have left my home-town, I was a little stuck, and knew my best chance of meeting guys was online, since that’s where the single men tend to congregate these days.
Since making the final decision that, no, we’re not suited to one another and, yes, we should start divorce proceedings I have often been pondering ‘well what the hell do I do now? I’ve never been single for more than 12 weeks since I was 16 so 6 months was long enough!! I like having a person to spoil and to share my day with and to cook with and to snuggle up to. I know everyone says you should ‘learn to be alone’ and ‘love yourself’ and I do, but I just want that companionship. People who have been themselves around me and show me themselves fully before I inappropriately get my lust on.
*Upper City – a lovely town half an hour’s drive away from here, where no-one can afford to live but everyone likes to pretend they live when they visit the fancy bars and restaurants! Not ‘needy needy’, but I know I like being in a relationship.